A prayer of failed pastor.

As I lay here in my bed thinking of everything I could have been or should I say done. I feel the need to ask for forgiveness. From who I don’t know. I failed you I feel like. I wanted so much to see my Lord will come to fulfillment. Did I rush it, was(is) this training for what is to come. Oh Lord my God everything I worked so hard on is (has) fallen apart. Lord was this all in vain. Father you have told me time and time again to be still, and this time I thought that you said move go now is the time. Was I hearing you or was that my will so loud I could not hear your wisper calling out saying peace be still.

What do I do now? I have steped away. I am pulling back. I want you more then ever to move in my life. I’m sorry please lord forgive me for taking the road I have. Use all the chuncks of junk and make them into a master peice. Lord how I want to know you. Keep me in your loving hands and hold me and my family up.

Oh so ture not my will but thy will be done. I miss you and love you. Peace be still.

If a fat man can lead a church

Here is a blog post from a good pastor and his friend. Read it and see what you think.

If A Fat Man Can Lead A Church…

Yesterday I posted an email I received from a good friend who was laid off because he admitted that he struggled with homosexuality.
Go see the post and read the comments if you can stomach it.
Honestly…
If we spoke to each other in real life the way some of the commenters spoke to each other…
It could almost be enough to take a Bic to my ears.
Reminded me of this a bit…
Anyways…
I responded to him BEFORE I ever wrote that post.
While reading the comments I honestly almost decided not to post my reply…
Because I’m not NEAR as smart as most of you.
I mean I read my Bible…A Lot…
But I’m just a beautiful mess of a idiot.
So decided to post it anyways.
Because that is what I said I’d do.
Cause if the only people who can live a “true” Christian life are the smart ones who can read Greek, then we are all screwed.
Look at me. Full of integrity and stuff.
At least once a month or so.
So here is what I wrote my buddy *****.
I know many will want more, less, or whatever…Thank God I wasn’t writing it to the many…just to my buddy.

******,
Dude. That sucks. Sucks. I know your heart. I know your story. I know your struggle.
Well actually, I don’t know your struggle…but you know what I mean.
Listen. I’m not a theologian. I don’t have a doctorate. It took me like 10 years to get my BA.
So what I know is only from walking my journey with Jesus and not a greek dictionary. Here’s the deal.
You admit that it is a struggle. I admit that when a hot chick walks by I don’t always bounce my eyes. I try. But I fail.
That failure, whenever it happens in many other areas of my life as well cause a division between Jesus, Heather, and I.
Whether that be porn, lying, overeating, laziness, whatever. It drives a big fat steak between Jesus, Heather, and I.
Me? I am a lusting man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
You? You are a gay man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
Your gluttonous boss? He is a gluttonous man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
The key to your question for me is “struggles”. This would assume that there is a conviction and wrestling match with sin in both of your lives. If you are struggling with this…and you went to your gluttonous pastor asking for help, and he drop kicked you without trying to come alongside you… Jesus would not have done that. Just an FYI.
But you know what? He’s also not Jesus. He might be trying like hell to be, or heaven, but he’s not Jesus.
So. Now what? As a gay man called to lead people to Jesus…
Love the crap out of your pastor. Love him till it hurts.
You are obviously not meant to work alongside him.
But if you are still the same ****** that I’ve always known…then you are called to ministry. You are.
And your ministry has just shifted… From loving 150 people from on stage… To loving 151 people off stage… And that one extra…love him like you would have wanted him to love you last week.
Jesus first…
second…
and third…
Carlos

In the coming days we will be diving in a bit closer to the heart of this as I interview a good friend of mine who is ready to come out of the blog closet with his struggle with being gay and working in a church…
So keep putting your bullhorn down and pick up a cup of coffee and whisper with me these next few days…
Drip Jesus…
Los

Wet pants

WET
PANTS

Come with me to a third grade classroom……There
is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and
all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his
feet and the front of his pants are wet. He
thinks his heart is going to stop because he
cannot possibly imagine how this has
happened. It’s never happened before, and
he knows that when the boys find out he will
never hear the end of it. When the girls find
out, they’ll never speak to him again as long as
he lives…

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his
head down and prays this prayer, ‘Dear God, this
is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes
from now I’m dead meat.’

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher
with a look in her eyes that says he has been
discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named
Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled
with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher
and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the
boy’s lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is
saying to himself, ‘Thank you, Lord! Thank you,
Lord!’

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of
ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The
teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym
shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All
the other children are on their hands and knees
cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is
wonderful . But as life would have it, the
ridicule that should have been his has been
transferred to someone else -
Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out..
You’ve done enough, you
klutz!’

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for
the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and
whispers, ‘You did that on purpose, didn’t you?’
Susie whispers back, ‘I wet my pants once
too..’

May God help us see the opportunities that are always
around us to do good…

Remember…….Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car..

Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times
right now, but God is getting ready to bless you
in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.

My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I
wanted God to bless, and I picked you… Please
pass this to at least four (4) people you want
to be blessed and a copy back to me.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness
Author: Unknown
A letter written to a man on death row by the Father of the man whom the man on death row had killed:

You are probably surprised that I, of all people, am writing a letter to you, but I ask you to read it in its entirety and consider its request seriously. As the Father of the man whom you took part in murdering, I have something very important to say to you.

I forgive you. With all my heart, I forgive you. I realize it may be hard for you to believe, but I really do. At your trial, when you confessed to your part in the events that cost my Son his life and asked for my forgiveness, I immediately granted you that forgiving love from my heart. I can only hope you believe me and will accept my forgiveness.

But this is not all I have to say to you. I want to make you an offer — I want you to become my adopted child. You see, my Son who died was my only child, and I now want to share my life with you and leave my riches to you. This may not make sense to you or anyone else, but I believe you are worth the offer. I have arranged matters so that if you will receive my offer of forgiveness, not only will you be pardoned for your crime, but you also will be set free from your imprisonment, and your sentence of death will be dismissed. At that point, you will become my adopted child and heir to all my riches.

I realize this is a risky offer for me to make to you — you might be tempted to reject my offer completely — but I make it to you without reservation.

Also, I realize it may seem foolish to make such an offer to one who cost my Son his life, but I now have a great love and an unchangeable forgiveness in my heart for you.

Finally, you may be concerned that once you accept my offer you may do something to cause you to be denied your rights as an heir to my wealth. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I can forgive you for your part in my Son’s death, I can forgive you for anything. I know you never will be perfect, but you do not have to be perfect to receive my offer. Besides, I believe that once you have accepted my offer and begin to experience the riches that will come to you from me, that your primary (though not always) response will be gratitude and loyalty.

Some would call me foolish for my offer to you, but I wish for you to call me your Father.

Sincerely,
The Father of Jesus