This past two weeks has been two of the funniest weeks in my life. I have been off work on bonding leave. I still had school so part of the day I have been doing that and then the rest is with my wife and child.
I am still reading the Bible just not posting as much.
Today in Genesis 19, Lot offered his two daughters (who before this time have never slept with a man) so the the men in his town would not have sex with the two guys who came to visit him.
Wow talk about sad. When your fist deep in sin your willing to do some messed up crap.
Read Genesis 19 to see what happened and then look at your life and see what your doing to please the world around you.
As I lay here in my bed thinking of everything I could have been or should I say done. I feel the need to ask for forgiveness. From who I don't know. I failed you I feel like. I wanted so much to see my Lord will come to fulfillment. Did I rush it, was(is) this training for what is to come. Oh Lord my God everything I worked so hard on is (has) fallen apart. Lord was this all in vain. Father you have told me time and time again to be still, and this time I thought that you said move go now is the time. Was I hearing you or was that my will so loud I could not hear your wisper calling out saying peace be still.
What do I do now? I have steped away. I am pulling back. I want you more then ever to move in my life. I'm sorry please lord forgive me for taking the road I have. Use all the chuncks of junk and make them into a master peice. Lord how I want to know you. Keep me in your loving hands and hold me and my family up.
Oh so ture not my will but thy will be done. I miss you and love you. Peace be still.
Here is a blog post from a good pastor and his friend. Read it and see what you think.
If A Fat Man Can Lead A Church...
Yesterday I posted an email I received from a good friend who was laid off because he admitted that he struggled with homosexuality.
Go see the post and read the comments if you can stomach it.
If we spoke to each other in real life the way some of the commenters spoke to each other…
It could almost be enough to take a Bic to my ears.
Reminded me of this a bit…
I responded to him BEFORE I ever wrote that post.
While reading the comments I honestly almost decided not to post my reply…
Because I’m not NEAR as smart as most of you.
I mean I read my Bible…A Lot…
But I’m just a beautiful mess of a idiot.
So decided to post it anyways.
Because that is what I said I’d do.
Cause if the only people who can live a “true” Christian life are the smart ones who can read Greek, then we are all screwed.
Look at me. Full of integrity and stuff.
At least once a month or so.
So here is what I wrote my buddy *****.
I know many will want more, less, or whatever…Thank God I wasn’t writing it to the many…just to my buddy.
Dude. That sucks. Sucks. I know your heart. I know your story. I know your struggle.
Well actually, I don’t know your struggle…but you know what I mean.
Listen. I’m not a theologian. I don’t have a doctorate. It took me like 10 years to get my BA.
So what I know is only from walking my journey with Jesus and not a greek dictionary. Here’s the deal.
You admit that it is a struggle. I admit that when a hot chick walks by I don’t always bounce my eyes. I try. But I fail.
That failure, whenever it happens in many other areas of my life as well cause a division between Jesus, Heather, and I.
Whether that be porn, lying, overeating, laziness, whatever. It drives a big fat steak between Jesus, Heather, and I.
Me? I am a lusting man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
You? You are a gay man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
Your gluttonous boss? He is a gluttonous man that is on a journey towards redemption by the power and blood of Jesus Christ.
The key to your question for me is “struggles”. This would assume that there is a conviction and wrestling match with sin in both of your lives. If you are struggling with this…and you went to your gluttonous pastor asking for help, and he drop kicked you without trying to come alongside you… Jesus would not have done that. Just an FYI.
But you know what? He’s also not Jesus. He might be trying like hell to be, or heaven, but he’s not Jesus.
So. Now what? As a gay man called to lead people to Jesus…
Love the crap out of your pastor. Love him till it hurts.
You are obviously not meant to work alongside him.
But if you are still the same ****** that I’ve always known…then you are called to ministry. You are.
And your ministry has just shifted… From loving 150 people from on stage… To loving 151 people off stage… And that one extra…love him like you would have wanted him to love you last week.
In the coming days we will be diving in a bit closer to the heart of this as I interview a good friend of mine who is ready to come out of the blog closet with his struggle with being gay and working in a church…
So keep putting your bullhorn down and pick up a cup of coffee and whisper with me these next few days…